Saturday, 4 October 2008

Environment Agency announces improvements to Newport City

The Environment Agency has finally set out it's plans to improve Newport - "The city of Newport will become a marina, on par with some of the more fashionable resorts on the coast of southern France. Due to global warming the south coast of France will become uninhabitable so Newport is being looked at as the host city for the Cannes film festival in 2020"
Benefits of flooding in Newport include:
-The Duffryn Diving school.
-Mynydd Maesglas - the council run rubbish dump will become prime property as it will be the only high ground for miles around.
-Increased trade links with the rest of the world as the docks will not be subject to tidal forces.
-The rivers Usk and Ebbw becoming navigable for miles upstream of Newport.
-Newport Bus company finally being able to give a valid reason for not providing a decent service.
-Increased fishing opportunities around the city.
-Duffryn and Maesglas estates to become coral reefs
Naturally these improvements are not supported by everyone - the bonkers local MP and self-confessed libelist Paul Flynn does not want to see his constituency improved as the Chavs who vote for him will see their council estates under water. Should cut down on crime on those estates then!