Monday, 7 July 2008

Newport Gwent - Places not to visit (post 1 )- Somerton

Somerton, or to give it the name by which it is known around Newport - Scumerton.

Think of a place that if it were able to twin with somewhere it would choose downtown Mogadishu (link to Google maps.) in Somalia, however I am sure that the various rival gang lords of Mogadishu would feel that Somerton would bring down the tone of the area and turn them down.

A place where each house has a TV dish, a dog barking in the garden - usually some feral pit bull or mastiff although alsatians and dobermans are still seen, along with an urban jungle that fails to cover up a clapped out Ford Fiesta and a broken fridge freezer. Designer garden gates laying down or at a 45 degree angle are also in fashion.

Many of the baseball hatted locals are very out of shape, the irony of wearing knock off sportswear is lost on them and I would not advise pointing out that they do not look like David Beckham. The beergut sports wear look is one that locals of both sexes engage in, often telling the sexes apart is quite difficult with Scumerton locals.

Women tend to have shorter beards and a hoard of feral offspring around them, use that as a general rule of thumb.

Somerton is quite quiet during the day in that most of the men will be in the pub during the day drinking the benefits payments, or out working as a taxi driver/window cleaner/odd job man in between dodging inspectors from the Dept. of Employment.

The chav look is very in, another local dress code is the ankle bracelet courtesy of the local police, this is seen as a rite of passage for many of Scumertons feral youth. We do their very best to be accepted into the local pack and gain their bracelet at the earliest age possible.

Whilst staying in Newport, you can be sure that if your car is left in an unsafe area(for example Scumerton) that it will be visited by one of the locals from this fine part of town.

Link to Google maps to show the first area of Newport to avoid(Scumerton)

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